|[ The Christmas Carol
As a young teenager I disliked
Christmas so much that I wrote this lovely little lyric for an Xmas song
"Get Lost Santa"
Christmas is a happy time,
it comes but once a year
And when the bells start ringing
out they speak of warmth and cheer.
When Santa comes upon his sleigh
the gifts will flow like wine
And then the kids all start
to sing "Why, Santa, you're so kind".
But Santa popped amphetamines
- he freaked out on the way
And so the people scream and
shout "Hey, junky, go away".
But then a man bursts from
the crowd saying "Stop it, oh you things,
Santa Is a real nice guy, think
of the things he brings"
[But they sing :]
Get lost Santa, you dirty 'head'
(get lost santa, g-get lost santa)
Don't want you're gifts I'd
rather be dead (get lost santa, g-get lost santa)
I think that there's quite a
bit more but, unfortunately, the ravages of time have stripped it from
my memory. However, I'm fairly certain that Santa eventually kills himself
because of the shame of he's inflicted upon Santa-dom and then everyone
in the world becomes sad because (a) Santa wont be around to liven up Christmas
with his ho-ho-hos and (b) more to the point, they won't get presents anymore.
Now, there's a moral in these
teen ramblings for all of us, isn't there?
A little later on in life I
finally managed to spend Christmas day all alone by myself. This had been
an unacknowledged yearning on my part for many, many years and as this
particular 25th December drew nearer I swear that I was as excited as a
toddler awaiting the unveiling of the first present from beneath the tree.
Needless to say, the actual
day was a bit of a fizzer : I got drunk (no different to being with my
family); I ate too much roast chicken (no different, again); I wore a stupid
hat (as before) and I smoked a lot of cigarettes (that WAS different -
I never smoked in front of my family). The main difference was that instead
of becoming more and more annoyed with my family during the day, I became
more and more annoyed with myself. And, to top it all off, the TV shows
were all crap.
It just goes to show that you
can't have everything : but I still dislike Christmas - you can't take
that away from me...
Merry exmouth and a hippy dew